the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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