I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
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Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
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I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
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