I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
