so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
