I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
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