There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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