I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
