I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
