if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
