K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Randomize
