It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Randomize
