My liver just broke up with me...
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Randomize
