Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Randomize
