they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
