she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize
