so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
