I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
