My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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