i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
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