I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Randomize
