Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Randomize
