I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
