life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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