I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
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