I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
