are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
19 Of The Most Epic “I Quit’ Stories Ever
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
25 People Reveal The Creepiest Kids They Went to School With
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.