There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person