I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.