you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.