Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"