How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
