I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
17 Women That Lost Condoms Up Their Lady Parts
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
23 People Confess The Most F*cked Up Thing Guests Have Done In Their House
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
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