we're chasing vodka with high fives
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
did you just send me my own nude
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
