I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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