If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Randomize
