i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
