I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
