your thong is hanging out like whoa
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
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