The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
