I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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