awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
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I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
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One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
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