I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
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