also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
