tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
i used baking grease as lip gloss
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I just forgot I was standing up.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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