I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
