A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
