haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
