You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Randomize
