Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
