He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
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