got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
We don't watch enough power rangers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize