Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
