I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
