Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Randomize