Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Randomize
