I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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