ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
