Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
