dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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