wakey wakey hands off snakey
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
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