Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
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Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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