the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
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