I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
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