Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
