I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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