AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
