So drunk its hurt
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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