Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
