I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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