Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
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