Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Did you just see the Batmobile???
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Randomize
