Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Randomize
