Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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