Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
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