I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Randomize
