I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
