Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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