omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Randomize
