I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
