I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize