listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I have tasted many bathrooms
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
