why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Randomize
