It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Life is so much better after having sex.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Randomize
