god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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