I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
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