in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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