I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
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