i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
