i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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