eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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