Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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