his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
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