yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
