im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
