Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
