I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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