just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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