Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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