i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Randomize
