between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
