I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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