She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Randomize
