so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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