nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
so let's talk penis.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I still have a little drunk in my system
Randomize
